How To Express Yourself Without Rocking The Boat
Posted May 19, 2015
I have an incredible amount of clients who come to me asking me how to express their feelings without upsetting anyone. Some don’t even remember what their own feelings are anymore, as they have spent so long looking after others and putting themselves last.
Yesterday I was talking to a woman who had broken her foot and didn’t even realise it until she had to go to a doctor for something else a few weeks later. She mentioned to the doctor that her feet were tired, and when the doctor took a look she was aghast to see the bones were broken. The women had learned to shut down her emotions to literally no longer feel. She had learned to become numb.
Sadly, this is not an isolated case.
When you shut down our emotions, it can actually be difficult to realise that you’ve done it, as being in a state of numbness becomes the norm. So how do you reawaken yourself? When I went through a state of post-natal depression and feeling overwhelmed, I played a game with myself. I began very slowly by appreciating the things around me. For example my favourite colour is blue, so I became grateful for everything that was blue: the blue on my dress, the blue sky, the blue car I drove, my blue eyes, the different colour blue of water. What I was also doing was awakening my senses by ‘seeing’ the colour blue. A small part of me was coming alive again.
Awaken Your Senses
Awakening your senses minimises the numbing and helps you to feel, hear, touch, see, your surroundings again. It’s a simple step toward regaining yourself. The details on how to do this can be found in The 7 Senses’ section of The Amanda Method on my web site.
Next Step: Saying No
Now that you have woken up, how do you express yourself and even know what it is you wish to express? One of the biggest challenges my clients face is saying NO. This is your time to do the things that you enjoy doing. You may not wish to be bound to care for the grand children every day, or run errands or do work that a junior colleague should be doing. So how do you say no without offending others?
My suggestion is to define what your boundaries are, what you do and don’t want to do as well as what you do and don’t enjoy doing. If it’s regarding child care, decide firstly if you want to be a hands-on grandparent and how many hours a week suits you. Maybe it’s two hours every Tuesday, but make sure it’s whatever feels comfortable for you. Then sit down with your children and let them know your boundaries. You don’t have to be unpleasant about it; you just need to be firm and express your willingness to help. Doing this up front is very useful so that things don’t get out of hand.
There’s a movie with Julia Roberts called Runaway Bride. In it there’s a scene where she realises she doesn’t even know what types of eggs she likes as she has always just eaten the types of eggs her current partner likes, so she sits in front of several types of eggs and tastes them to see which ones she does like.
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Taking some time to rediscover what it is in your life you like, what helps you to be able to say no and clearly define boundaries around what you are and are not prepared to do when asked. This will help make it easier for you to express yourself because you have a clearer vision of what is important to you.
It begins with you. Start Now.